Nothing can
really prepare you when your child uses a bad word or harsh language with you
for the first time. After the initial shock wears off, you are left thinking how
to best address this issue before it gets out of control!
Here is how
you can approach this issue calmly.
Toddlers
For
children under 4 years of age, just ignoring it is the best practice. They may
not even understand the meaning of the bad words. But if they know they can get
a reaction by using bad or harsh words, they will continue to do it. Whereas,
ignoring it will take the fun out of the game. Eventually they will know it’s
not something important enough for your attention and stop.
Another
technique is to substitute the bad word with a similar sounding word. Eg, if
your child says “shit” change the word around with something like “Do you want
a shirt?”
Young Children
Young
children probably do understand the meaning of or the context of the bad words.
Of course, if you demand directly that your child stops using that word, it is
not going to work and neither is anger.
Try to
observe when is it that your child uses bad language. Is it when he/she is
stressed, tired or hungry? In that case, simply attend to that immediate need.
Older Children
Children
usually mimic adults or people around them who they look up to. If bad language
is common around your child, then punishing is not going to solve the problem.
It is probably better to sit down with an older child and explain to them that
bad words cause hurt and pain on people. Next you could try to explain why
people around them swear a lot by offering explanations like “It is not ok to
swear but Uncle Ajay swears sometimes because that is the way adults cry”
Another
alternative is to get to the root cause of why your child is swearing so much.
He/she maybe experiencing some undue peer pressure to fit into a particular
group or he/she maybe trying to appear cool. Alternately, they may be using bad
words in the wrong context. In any case, it is best to sit down with your child
and get talking to find out what has brought on this kind of behavior.
And last
but not the least, start with yourself.
If you react with anger or sudden outbursts, you will not raise a child who can
have control over their negative feelings. So if you believe that your child is
mimicking you, start by correcting yourself.
Then Observe why and when your child uses bad
language. It could be a major change in their routine, new friend circle or
situations that they don’t enjoy being in. Often the root cause is easy to
identify and fix.
Spend special time with your child every single day. This is a great
way of knowing what is going on in their life. That way you and your child will
feel more connected to each other and easy to open up about issues.
And lastly,
relax! A few bad words doesn’t mean
that your child is going to turn out to be a criminal! They just needs you to be
there for them!